9/30/10

Hey another crazy day here in the great Salt Lake City. No more classes for the day and I am so happy. I have this crazy idea for a crazy chocolate cake. General confrence is this week but I probably wont make it. Will have to listen to it on the radio. I feel like I have so much homework it's crazy. There are so many things that I need to do that I don't think that I'm going to get it all done.

9/29/2010

Today has been a good day. I've been able to hang out with my friends and do some fun things in class. I still have some home work due and some that was due and I still haven't done yet. I'm a little worried about how Holloween is going to be but I'll servive. Its still hard to believe that I'm here at college and it was only a few months ago that I graduated from high school. Crazy Life crazy life.

9/29/2010

It is about 8:29 am this morning. I'm feeling better then i was yesturday. The days are getting shorter. And the nights with the airconditioning are getting more uncomfortable. That's all I have for now.

9/28/2010

I'm not sure why I decided to make this blog my new journal. Maybe it will help me get my feelings more out there. I'm not sure. So far today hasn't really been that great. Ok let me be serious it's sucked. I haven't felt like this for a while. And I know that when I read this later that I will want to delete it since I will be better later and I will think that I was just an idiot. But I feel I need to say this to get it off my chest. I feel like a person in deep despair. Someone who has gone through so much emotionally and yet there is no exact reason why.
As I was comming down stairs in the elevator I wondered why Heavenly Father lets us go through such miserable times. I know that most people would say "It's because he wants us to learn and grow", or "We need to experiance sorrow so that we can understand more so that we can become like our Heavenly Father." But I want a different answer then to the ones that are always given on Sunday or to friends from church that seem to be able to just accept the sayings that others have said. I feel though that I have just been pulled along because my family required it from me. And now I just want to be alone. I don't want to have to be that special person that will bring ever soul to the gospel. I just don't feel ready for it. What I would like to do is take a trip off on my own to certain places around the world that I have always wanted to go and just see what I learn from experiances that could be really remarkable.
My day has been filled with why should I live through another day of this Terrestial or Telestial world. Why should I remain here if there is a chance that it could all not be true or that I just wont end up with my family in the end. I know that this all sounds crazy and when I look back at this I will wonder why I ever felt this way. But I think its good to feel this way. To get these feelings down on paper so that in the future if my fews have changed then I will know how far I have come.